Sunday, April 12, 2009

a little levity


I know that I promised a talk about how to Biblically and successfully deny ourselves, take up our crosses and follow Jesus in my next blog, but... I heard some stories today that are too funny not to share with the world (or the 2 people who read this blog).

I am going to organize this as a mental excercise rather than simply a string of humorous happenings.

So here's your instructions:
I am going to recount 4 incidents to you, only 3 of which are true. What I want you to do first is to try and guess which one I concocted here in my cushy chair at Starbucks. Keep in mind that the three stories that are true are relatively recent and are all about the same person, believe it or not. Ripley would be proud.

Secondly, give me your opinion of which story sounds the most outragious and fabricated.

1) Two college aged sisters are spending the night at their father's house. They are awakened at approximately 4:00 am to the sound of their stepmother and aunt, much like raccoons in the dumpster behind Panera, rustling, banging, and clanging about the house, frantically searching for God-knows-what. After some time the aunt approaches her weary-eyed nieces and, with a face like Brittany Spears might have if you were to try to explain pre-algebra to her, asks them, "Have you seen my teeth?" (the elusive dentures were later found in the microwave --- maybe she thought if she nuked her teeth she wouldn't need to fry her eggs...)

2) An older woman pulls into a Taco Bell drive-thru in the late afternoon. After a cursory glance at the menu, out of habit alone, having already decided on her order before entering the parking lot, she proceeds to order the "4 Arby's Roast Beef sandwiches for $5.00" deal, a large order of cheddar curly fries, and a Jamocha shake. Needless to say, she had to do some extra driving to find her desired dinner.

3) A blonde woman smoking a cigarette walks into the kitchen, glances at the digital temperature display on the stove which read "3:65", and asked a man, "Is that the time?" To which he replies, "...it says three sixty-five..."

4) A police officer pulls over a woman in a Toyota Tercel. When the officer approaches the window he asks her, "Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over?" Her response a puzzled, "No...". He then asks her, "So, you really have nooooo idea why I pulled you over?" As she offers her second baffled "No, I don't", she hears on the officer's police radio, "We finally were able to stop that Toyota Tercel". Amazingly recognizing that that was in fact her car they were radioing about, she resignedly asks, "Ok, what did I do?" - "You blew right through a stop sign and you have been speeding the wrong way on a one-way street" was the officer's frustrated reply.

I'll post the answer to the first question on my next entry. The second question is a matter of opinion; as far as I am concerned all of them are ridiculous, and ridiculously funny!
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